Free read: Scars (1/6)

People can be kind without expecting anything in return.
This is Scarred Souls, from Josh's point of view.

Scars

June, 2003

It was raining. He knew it was. He could feel the cold drops against his skin and soaking into his clothes. He could feel the cold, knew that it wouldn't be good for him to sit out in this weather, but he just didn't care.

The cold drops of rain mingled with the hot, salty tears on his face. His back was pressed up against the big tree trunk, his ass was firmly planted in the soggy grass and he had his arms wrapped around his drawn-up knees.

The cold actually felt nice. At least he felt it. At least he felt something. Something other than the numbness that had been a constant in him lately. His shirt was thin and soaked through like the rest of him. The bandages wrapped tightly around his arms were soaked as well and the cuts underneath burned.

Josh didn't mind because he felt it. He wanted to feel something other than the numbness. He didn't like the numbness, even though it had kept him going through the trial. It had only broken after the verdict had been read, after Josh had taken his razor to his arms in a frenzy. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all ...

A shadow fell over him and a moment later the rain stopped pelting down. Josh blinked up through rain and tears and saw a guy his own age standing over him. His hair was pitch-black and straight and his eyes ... they were a deep, azure blue. Josh had never seen such blue eyes before.

"You ..." Josh blinked again as recognition flashed through him. "You were with Doc earlier." Josh had hoped to make it to group after the trial, he'd done his very best to get there before it was over. It was only in group he ever felt a sliver of calm, ever felt a sliver of being normal. He hadn't made it. Doc had been there when he'd entered, but the rest of the guys had been gone. Only him had been there, talking to her. Josh had never seen him before and yet here he was again. Twice in one day.

"Yeah." The guy stepped a little closer. The umbrella now covered both of them. "Why are you sitting out in the rain? Shouldn't you go home?"

Josh wrapped his arm around his middle, feeling his stomach and chest tighten just by the thought. "I can't go home. Not right now." He didn't want to face them all. They'd be there, waiting for him. He didn't want their worry, didn't want their sympathy, didn't want their hovering and awkwardness.

"Why not? You should go home." He sounded a little annoyed.

Josh became aware that he was shivering. He really was cold and now that the umbrella shielding him from more rain his body made it known perfectly clear. "I can't."

"Don't you have any friends you can go to?"

"No ... I don't have any friends." Friends ... it was a distant concept Josh had never bothered with. Why should he? Why should he make people care about him when he was such a mess? Why should he put anyone through the hell that was his life and his emotions and his body?

"Come on, you can't stay out here in this rain ... You'll get pneumonia. If you don't have anywhere else to go, you could come home with me. I live right across the street."

Josh looked up at him again. He was offering Josh a place to stay? It had been a while now since Josh had last ... but he guessed it couldn't hurt. At least he'd get out of the rain. "You sure?" Josh couldn't possibly understand why the guy offered. Josh was a mess, after all, nothing at all inviting about him.

"Yeah." He didn’t look very sure. "Yeah, come on." His voice on the other hand, did.