27 October 2012

Free read: Scars (3/6)

People can be kind without expecting anything in return.
This is Scarred Souls, from Josh's point of view.


continued ...

"What are you doing?"

Josh was gently pushed away. "Repaying you for helping me out." Josh tilted his head to one side, studying him. "You don't want sex?"

"Wha—No!" He seemed to almost choke the words out in shock. "What makes you think that?" He twitched a little uncomfortably and his eyes flickered.

"Everybody wants sex." Josh scooted closer to him. He let his hand travel teasingly up his stomach. Maybe it wouldn't be rough after all. Maybe Josh would actually enjoy it. "You want it. I feel it. I'll give it to you." He was hard, it was confirmed as Josh let his palm drop to his crotch.

"I don't want you to repay me with sex," he exclaimed as he slapped Josh's hand away. "That—That's wrong! In so many ways. And I'm pretty sure it's illegal!"

What was with him? "Like people care." Josh put his hand back on him. "Nobody says no to sex. Are you straight?" Maybe Josh had misinterpreted the look he'd gotten. He was still hard though. Maybe he was closeted?

"No." He sounded a little sullen now.

"So you are gay?" Josh was confused. If he was gay, what was then the problem? Josh was offering him sex. Other guys would jump on it when a guy freely offered sex. Many had. Josh was actually sober now though and he might even actually enjoy it. The guy was handsome and even though his serious exterior might be a little frightening at first, he didn't seem like a got off on being cruel.

"No. I'm not anything," he snapped. His hand locked around Josh's forearm and it brought back the startling reality of Josh's life. Josh jerked back. "What's wrong with you? Have you sprained your arm or something?"

Josh's sleeve was pulled up to reveal the wet, tightly wrapped gauze. It was dotted with patches of blood. Josh looked away. Now he certainly wouldn't want to bed Josh, so most likely he'd find himself back out in the rain.

"This should be changed." A finger was touched to the gauze and Josh flinched back at the pain it caused. Josh turned his head slightly to find the guy staring at him. He resolutely unwrapped the gauze.

"No, don't—" Jos tried to protest but it was too late. The first half of his forearm was bared for the guy to see and it was not a pretty sight. There was not a single untouched piece of skin left; there were scars upon scars, cuts upon cuts. The whole mess of it overlapping.

"Is this why you're in group?" The guy was staring intently at his arm.

"Part of the reason," Josh whispered. "I have my reasons for doing this to myself. I'm not proud of this, but I just ... I can't stop it, you know?" Cutting himself had saved him so many times from the pain, the unbearable pain always left behind ... Josh gently pulled his arm out of the guy's grip. He rewrapped the gauze around his. It felt even worse now than it had before, wrapping the wet, soggy gauze back around. It made his skin crawl.

"Yeah, I kind of do know." His eyes were still on Josh's arm. "I don't cut myself, but I ... I eat a lot sometimes and then throw it up again." His head fell back to rest against the back of the sofa. He scratched at his chest.

Josh drew his feet up and tucked them under himself as he tilted his own head to the side to rest against the back of the sofa as well. "My stepfather abused me sexually for several years," he revealed. He didn't know why he was telling the guy this. Josh didn't know him. The words seemed to come of their own though. "And I've been kind of a slut. My whole life has been all about sex. I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that I'm used to everyone simply wanting sex. People don't help me without wanting something in return, and all I can give is sex." Josh certainly had nothing else going for him. Not really sex either, but well ... some people only required a willing hole to put their dick in and Josh could be that. He had been so many times.

"I don't want that from you."

"I know." Josh would've felt offended if it hadn't been such a relief. "I'm sorry for thinking you did." Josh reached out tentatively to squeeze his hand. He didn't squeeze back, but he didn't pull away either, so Josh left his hand there.

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