30 October 2012

Free read: Scars (4/6)

People can be kind without expecting anything in return.
This is Scarred Souls, from Josh's point of view.


continued ...

"Why were you in the park? You'd been crying ..."

"I was late for group today because I was in court. They read the sentence today. That bastard got eight years in prison. A lousy eight years for making my childhood a living hell." It wasn't fair. Wasn't fair at all. Josh had been terrified doing this, was still terrified, but he'd hoped to lock Andrew away for a great many years. Eight years ... it wasn't enough.

"When did the abuse stop?"

"When I was fifteen. I tried to kill myself. I told mum then and she ... she believed me." Josh had been terrified that she wouldn't. Andrew had always told him she wouldn't. "I was so afraid to tell her because I wasn't sure if she would believe me or not, but she did. And she's done so much for me ever since. I wish I could get better for her, that I could stop being such a mess, but ... I can't do it." Josh gave a bitter laugh. "I just continue to fuck up. Like today. I had to cut—I went crazy."

"I think maybe today is justified. That ridiculous sentence ... anyone would've fallen apart."

"Yeah ..." That's why Josh had hoped to get to group. It was easier to fall apart there than to fall apart on his own. It never ended well when he was alone with his feelings. Never. "So ... um ... why are you suddenly in group? Why do you eat too much and throw it up afterwards?"

He hesitated. Josh started thinking when he wasn't going to share he finally spoke. "My mother tried to kill me." He seemed surprised to have even spoken aloud, so Josh kept silent, letting him work through it. "She killed my dad, my little sisters, she thought she'd killed me, and then she killed herself."

Josh blinked. "Oh, wow." He didn't know what else to say. He didn't know what to say period. That sounded so much worse than Josh's circumstances, somehow.

He chuckled slightly. "Yeah. It's unbelievable. It's the kind of thing that happens in movies and in fiction. But it happened to me in real life."

"I'm sorry." Josh was. No one should have to experience that. Loosing their whole family in such a tragic way ...

"It's been a long time." He seemed kind of surprised at himself and Josh guessed he didn't often tell people about this. Maybe he didn't tell people at all. Josh felt special all of a sudden, knowing that the guy had confided in him. No one confided in Josh, no one bothered with Josh, he wasn't worth anything. This guy had and that made Josh happier than anything else. "So why can't you go home?"

"Because everyone's there and they're fussing and they don't know what to really say to me, so it's all awkward." Josh shifted his feet up in front of him and curled up further.

"Who's everyone?" He turned now so that he was facing Josh and the show of interest caused a flash of butterflies to let loose in Josh's stomach. "My mum, my grandma, my aunt and uncle, and my cousins. There are five of them; three older than me, one the same age and the other younger. They're just as bad as mum and grandma."

"Isn't family supposed to be bad?" He didn't seem like he was sure of it though.

"I suppose." Josh moved his hand a little. It still squeezed Damian's and now he tangled their fingers together.

His eyes flickered down. "I—If you really don't want to go home, you can stay here tonight. You can share my bed. But no, uh, sex. No sex." He was stammering and Josh found it refreshing. Here was someone who wasn't corrupted by the sins of the flesh and it was so refreshing to not feel like a convenient hole. He knew he put himself in those kinds of situation, but what else could he do? This ... this was so different and so good.

"Thank you. You're too kind." He really was. Josh didn't know what to do in return when he didn't want the one thing Josh could give.

"Can I change your gauze now?" His eyes fell to Josh's arms. "Please?"

Josh nodded. "Ok." It would be nice to be rid of the wet, soggy gauze and wrap dry, clean ones around his arms.

The guy stood and he pulled Josh with him up. Josh went willingly, his fingers gripping tightly to his. Josh didn't let him go until he sat down on the toilet seat and the guy moved over to the sink.

He found gauze and sterilizers in one of the drawers under the sink. Josh slowly unwrapped the old, wet gauze as he rummaged around. Josh heard him draw in a deep breath as he turned around and saw both of Josh's bare arms.

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