Free read: Scars (5/6)

People can be kind without expecting anything in return.
This is Scarred Souls, from Josh's point of view.

Scars

continued ...

"Does blood bother you?" Josh looked up at him curiously.

"No." He shook his head and crouched down in front of Josh. "I'm starting medical school in the fall. I want to be a surgeon. Blood doesn't bother me. What does is that you do this to yourself. They'll never go again, the scars."

"I know." Josh stared down at his forearms. He turned them over slowly, showing the guy that the undersides were just as bad, maybe even worse. The skin over Josh's wrists was even more of a mess than all the rest of his skin. The deep scars slashed across each other. They were proper scars though, he hadn't cut over his wrist since he was fifteen years old and trying to kill himself. "So medical school, huh? You must be really smart."

He started washing Josh's arms with a hot washcloth. "I do the best I can. It's what I want to do."

"You're lucky, then. I don't know what I want to do. I'm just a mess." A mess who'd most likely failed his A-levels. He'd sat them, but he didn't think he'd gotten anything logical down on them.

Azure eyes met his. "You'll figure it out."

"Just like you, I want to help people. But I want to help people like me, who've been abused and cut and all that shit. But ... I'm a complete mess myself. How can I even begin to help someone else?"

"You could begin by going to school." He finished washing up the blood.

"And study psychology? When I don't even understand my own?" Josh chuckled bitterly. "Thank you."

"For what?" He dabbed some sterilizer on another washcloth. It burned as he ran it over Josh's cuts and Josh hissed.

"For being so kind to me. No one has ever been this kind to me. Not even when they expected sex. Which you don't."

"No, I don't," he agreed.

Josh couldn't help thinking it was weird, even if it was nice. "Why not? Why don't you want it? Are you in a relationship?" He had to have a reason.

"No, I'm not." He started wrapping new, clean, sterile gauze around Josh's arms, being careful not to press over his cuts. "I just ... I just don't want it."

He did though. He had been hard earlier, maybe he was even hard still. Josh watched him in silence, as his arms were wrapped up not to tight. His hair really was black, Josh noticed. He'd thought maybe it had only seemed like it, but it was a true black. He wondered if it would be soft or coarse to the touch. Josh startled when the guy suddenly lifted his head and azure eyes met his own.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, but I ... I can't help myself." Josh really couldn't. He bent forward and kissed him again, and it startled the guy so much that he lost his balance and fell back on the floor. Josh followed, landing atop him with a small chuckle before he kissed him again.

Hands grabbed at Josh's waist and he finally started to reciprocate. He felt awkward, and Josh realized that maybe he hadn't done much kissing in his life, but he did well enough. Well enough for Josh. Josh really liked the feel of him kissing back.

Slam!

They froze in mid-kiss, their eyes opening. Josh stared down into his surprised, azure eyes. "Are you expecting company?"

"No." Josh's waist was gripped tighter. "No, it must be—"

The bathroom door opened and the guy had only taken one step inside before he stopped in his tracks. Josh looked up and the guy he was sprawled atop twisted around slightly to look up to. The newcomer stared back, eyes wide. He was one handsome piece of man; big, broad-shouldered and muscled with black hair and grey eyes. He looked familiar. "Okay, so ... enjoy yourselves." And with that he walked right back out again and closed the door behind him.

"Who was that?" Josh looked back down into azure depths.

"That was Silver. My best friend and roommate." The guy pushed himself up on his elbows, forcing Josh to sit up straighter as well. He seemed kind of dazed.

"I'm sorry." Josh climbed off his lap. "I shouldn't have jumped you like that." It had been good though. So good.

He licked his bottom lip and Josh's eyes zeroed in on it. "We shouldn't be doing this. I ... It was nice, it really was. But you ... you're not having a very good day, remember?"

"Of course I remember. I'm trying to forget." Josh could've been without the whole day, frankly, except when he'd been kissing this guy ... then he hadn't minded so much.

He sighed. "This is not the way to do it."

"Then how am I going to forget?"

"Not by doing what you're trying to forget in the first place. I'd say that's counter-productive." His voice was so calm.